#82 | Why Most of Our Issues Aren’t Trauma But Broken Attachment

About This Episode

I just returned from an immersive training run by the Uncivilized Man Organization with Traver Boehm and led by one of the wisest men I’ve ever met - Duey Freeman. With over 50 years of experience in psychotherapy, he impacted me in a big way. One big theme stood out and it’s the root cause of so many of our issues with each other - our struggles aren’t about trauma, they are about fragmented attachment that prevents us from grieving and healing trauma.

While we are full-fledged adults in many aspects of our lives like work, leisure activities, productivity; we are small children relationally. When our earliest needs were not met we subconsciously imprinted a belief system about our place in the world and how we should relate to others. The beliefs, many times, sound like - I’m not good enough, the world is not safe, I can’t trust anyone, They will probably leave me, etc.

As we dive into healing relationships and understanding the opposite sex more and more having a good grasp on this ‘operating system’ that we run throughout lives is the most important thing as it’s the root cause of everything we experience or don’t experience in our lives.

Timestamps:

00:00 - 00:51 Intro and Overview of today's episode

00:51 - 02:52 What I learned from Duey Freeman

02:52 - 04:43 Attachment, not trauma Issues

04:43 - 05:18 What the healing process is about

05:18 - 07:35 Why are men hurting so much?

07:35 - 09:25  Where hyper-stoic men come from

09:25 - 11:28  When do attachment breaches begin?

11:28 - 14:21 What happens when babies don’t get attunement?

14:21 - 16:23 How does unhealthy attachment manifest?

16:23 - 17:57 Where 'Nice guys’ come from

17:57 - 19:17 Does anyone have a perfect attachment?

19:17 - 19:53 Outro and closing remarks

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