#123 | Should We Ditch the Romantic Model to Save Relationships?
About This Episode
I had the privilege of sitting down with Paul Elam for this enlightening conversation. Paul is a well known advocate for men’s rights. He is the founder of ‘A Voice for Men’ - the international conference on men’s issues. He inspired the making of ‘The Red Pill’ movie that aired in 2016. He’s been a men’s advisor and counselor for many decades now, and I appreciate how deeply he cares about supporting men.
It was a pleasure to talk to him and I learned so much - I know you will too!
We unpack the hidden assumptions about dating and marriage in the west under the ‘romantic model.' We also spend time getting to the bottom of why men are still so misunderstood in the west and what men need now more than anything.
Listen in to learn about the origins of the romantic model, different priorities of men and women, what’s missing from the mythopoetic movement, the change in male consciousness, the biggest killer of men, what a woman owes her marriage, being a ‘guardian of respect,’ and so much more.
Connect With Paul:
Via X: https://x.com/RealPaulElam
Via Substack: https://paulelam.substack.com/
XY Crew: https://paulelam.com/xycrew/
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 — Intro & Preview: "Coddled Princesses"
00:32 — Welcome: Introducing Paul Elam
01:53 — A Brief History of the Men's Movement
02:36 — From 1920s Protests to the Mythopoetic Movement
04:36 — The "Red Pill" Explosion & Its Flaws
05:49 — The Missing Piece: Accountability for Women
07:05 — The Critical Question: "What Do You Bring to the Table?"
08:52 — How We Got Here: Family Courts & The Romantic Model
10:24 — Hostile Dependency & Asserting Autonomy
11:24 — Contradictions: Feminism, Girlbosses, and Tradwives
13:07 — The Origins of Gynocentrism & Courtly Love
15:40 — Why the Romantic Model Failed After Divorce Stigma Lifted
18:12 — Trying to Satiate the Insatiable
20:22 — The "Simp" Dynamic: Groveling Breeds Resentment
21:58 — Why "Wild Man" Retreats Avoid the Real Issues
24:55 — Peeling Back Gynocentrism: Treating Each Other as Human
26:28 — Evolution vs. Socialization in Attraction
28:22 — The Paradox of Women's Unhappiness
30:19 — Disconnection from the Feminine Body
31:36 — The Necessity of Being Complete Before Relationships
33:30 — Understanding How Men Are Manipulated by Shame
35:49 — "Human Doings": Men's Value Tied to Provision
39:11 — Paul's Stance: Rejecting Legal Marriage
40:58 — Biblical Roles & The Myth of the 1950s Housewife
43:40 — Critique of the "She Has No Worries" Mindset
46:13 — Controversial Advice: Stop "Dating" Entirely
48:51 — The Transactional Nature of Modern Dating
50:00 — Debunking the Soulmate Myth
52:41 — Men, Silence, and the "Defective Women" Therapy Model
53:44 — Men Heal Through Action (The Michael Jordan Story)
56:06 — The Erosion of Male Spaces & The Bystander Effect
59:43 — Daniel Penny & The Risks of Male Protection
01:01:49 — Personal Safety: Agency vs. Expecting Protection
01:02:45 — Most Men's Issues Stem from Relationship Choices
01:04:18 — The Mirror Test: Taking Accountability for Abusive Partners
01:05:54 — Self-Esteem vs. Self-Respect
01:08:35 — Paul’s Relationship Secret: Being the "Guardian of Respect"
01:10:52 — Teaching Women the Definition of Respect
01:13:23 — The Ultimate Power: Willingness to Walk Away
01:15:09 — Conclusion & Where to Find Paul Elam
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