Ubuntu For Parenting

The philosophy of Ubuntu and how it can be applied to parenting is a game-changer.

What is Ubuntu

The translation is ‘I am, because you are,’ or ‘we are one.’

In certain regions of South Africa, when someone does something wrong, he is taken to the center of the village and surrounded by his tribe for two days while they speak of all the good he has done.

Crazy, right? The exact opposite of Western society.

In the East, they believe each person is good, yet sometimes we make mistakes - which is really a cry for help. They unite in this ritual to encourage the person to reconnect with his true nature.

The belief is that unity and affirmation have more power to change behavior than shame and punishment. The understanding is that criticism without positive affirmation (especially for small children) does not work, it only perpetuates negative behavior.

Bringing this into a western context

What would it be like if families practiced this?

When a child does something wrong, the parents call the family into the living room and for the next hour or two proceed to LOVE on the child. As the structure of the home, this would be especially powerful for dads to orchestrate.

The truth is when kids get criticized over and over again they begin to think less of themselves (not less of their parents) but when they get acknowledged their hearts break open, tears streaming down their faces, and connect to love. First for themselves, and then to others. Because if they can be shown love in the midst of their mistakes, then they can do the same for others.

Indigenous cultures have much wisdom beyond our western experience and listening to them and adopting their practices can help bring us home to ourselves and each other.